But I'm awake.
Five weeks ago I had returned to my dr seriously thinking my cursed ear infections had returned. He sat on his little stool and looked at me and shook his head. My ears were fine??! How could that be?! My ears & neck just throbbed. Dr said I was suffering from Chronic Depression. Which is normal under my circumstances, but I needed help. He said my body was trying to go into a shutdown mode of just wanting to give up. Reluctantly I agreed to go back on an antidepressant. Before I was on an injection form, they'd administer when I went in for infusion treatments. But when those ended I appeared to be doing fine
The first two weeks on my new "happy" pill I felt in a fog. Really didn't care if I did anything during the day. The one week I spent 90% of it lying in bed. Sleeping off and on, but seriously just lying there. Then magically one day I got up and besides typical lupus crap-- I felt the fog had lifted. Even my boys & hubby mentioned the positive change.
Two weeks after that? My zombie state returned. So many times I really didn't want to answer my phone, or reply to a text....or go anywhere to see anyone. So I made a followup appt and went back in.
Apparently the saratonin drug had done it's job to its extent and now I needed other forms of help. So my dr changed my antidepressant, again.
With increased chemo drugs, prednisone, and all the other junk I take I added a newbie. Two days in. I have this weird "heavy" feeling. I feel irritable. Agitated. Fussy. My stomach has a constant aching to it and I have a UTI.
How is this helping?! Pharmacist and Dr asked me to be patient. But I am running low. Is there a pill for that??! 😕
This is my new favorite picture. I love the quote!!! It's so true. So many are quick to judge and not think about what I really go thru.
For example, I get so tired of all the cancer hype. Yes cancer is serious. Yes there isn't a cure. It's a terrible disease. But in many cases, research shows that if caught early enough, surgery and chemo fight it. There are so many cancer free survivors! That's awesome. 💗
Lupus. People die from lupus everyday. I've read four articles in the past month where lupies died from this awful disorder. Young & old. There isn't a cure for lupus. There isn't a surgery to help remove it. I will take chemo meds and the evil prednisone-- the rest of my life. It makes me sad and lonely feeling when everyone's quick to "walk" for a cure or wear Pink! Lupus needs that attention too. Lupus is a terrible autoimmune disorder. I am chronically sick. There's hope for remission, but it seriously can take years to get there. Years. In the meantime I vent alittle. Take my mouthful of pils several times a day. Battle depression. Hair loss. Weight gain. Chronic pain & swelling. With every breath my chest feels so heavy, thanks to my Lupie lungs. And I am haunted by ulcers returning and needing hospital attention, the rash, hoping it's nothing new, and insomnia.
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