Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Have yourself a Merry little Christmas!


Its the most wonderful time of the year!
Three more days of school for my sons & then they will be home for three weeks! I'm so looking forward to that, vacation, and all that will bring. I love them being home. (Of course I appreciate them being gone from time to time too). 

There's finally lights on our house, a fresh smelling, beautiful tree in the corner of our living room, and maybe three packages below it. My favorite is my mantel in the dining room glowing with white lights and gold & silver snowmen!


This time of year always makes me sad to think of those less fortunate. Those who haven't family. Those seperated from their loved ones, either by passing away or having gone thru an unwanted divorce. Or our men and women overseas!!  

This year my heart is heavy for a friend of mine celebrating the holidays as a divorcee. She's been thru so much this past year. Her children have had to face the unimaginable and learn to live in a split household. Decisions and new choices have been made that will effect them all, from here forward. But as I tell her, I have hope! Faith!! I truly believe God doesn't hand us more than we can hold! It seems heavy at times, and makes  us sluggish, question, angry, and sad...but we can face it. We are never alone!!! And she isn't!! She is my longest "in contact" friend, we met in Lamaze almost 15 years ago! Love her like a sister, and pray for her daily!

Where are you Christmas?!
With my rambling coming to an end for tonight- I pray everyone has a very Merry Christmas holiday...no matter with who or where you spend it! Remember it doesn't have to have boxes and ribbons or tags....Christmas perhaps is alittle bit more!! Things that cannot be bought at a store!! 

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Cotton & tears....

Today is my favorite kind of day. It's gloomy & grey. Raining off and on. Cold. You can smell Winter trying to peek in acouple weeks early. 

On days like this I love to bake. Muster up a sewing project so I can sit & enjoy the dark dining room. But today I'm enjoying it from my bed. I cracked the blinds just enough to enjoy the clouds, closed enough to keep out light. My husband made me promise this morning that I'd rest. I'd do nothing. Besides driving kiddos to school, and putting a favorite roast recipe in the slow cooker, I've done nothing.

The company of an old dog and my comfort with Mr Darcy & Elizabeth Bennett, my morning has been calm. Quiet. Time to think.

I've pinterested christmas wrapping ideas. Patterns for upcoming ideas I have . I've caught up on my bible study that got lost with vaca last week, and my being sick. 

I've been sick since Halloween. Chronic ear infections that my poor tired Lupey body can't seem to fight off. The antibiotics given to me yesterday made me a loopy sobbing mess last night. I'm reminded that I've taken it before back in April, under hospital care lol. Crying doesn't help ear pain. It didn't helpe sleep. I haven't had much in the last 4 days---that could possibly be aiding the tears too. So today I rest. Cotton in ears, Icey Hot on neck, pills taken. 


Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Count your Blessings

This time of year always makes us think of what we are thankful for. We count our blessings, feel the urge to share what we have with others. Shouldn't we be doing that all thru the year?!

My family has been blessed with a nice home. It's not a fancy house, full of nice things- it's a comfortable home full of love. I enjoy sharing it with others. Opening it up to small groups & bible studies. Having dinner with family & friends.  when we moved I remember thanking God for blessing us with a home and nice yard to serve Him. Four years later, do I still have that mindset? 

With Christmas around the corner, ads and commercials and wish lists are thrown into our faces from every angle. I believe it's a sin to buy things just to buy them. Why buy gifts when you really don't "need" anything? What can you possibly buy that you "need"? My sons rooms are full of things. Closets full of clothes, shelves full of books. Seriously they need nothing. My husband and I encourage them every year that they think of those less fortunate. Those who really do need something, whether it be socks, a jacket or a book. We buy and donate to Local organizations. Donate gently used coats to the "jacket drive" at school, and give canned food to their classroom collections. 

Growing up my family always shared the holiday with those who may not have local family or anyone to celebrate with. We shared our thanksgiving day traditions with them. And Christmas Eve mom & dad have a game night with food and goodies to share with friends. Something we look forward to every year. Even my boys look forward to sharing their holidays and always ask " who's joining us?" They even submit names of families they know who need a place to go.

As the holiday season comes upon us I pray everyone thinks of ways to give back. Ways to share their blessings. 
Be creative! Pray about it! And make it happen! 

Monday, August 19, 2013

Survival.

Today was the first day of school. 
Thankfully all three children survived. Their teachers survived. 
I survived. 

All these years of school with my oldest son, I've never been sad about him going. Until today. Today my oldest began high school. Wow. Where did the time go? Seriously?! 

My middle son is energetic. Talkative. Loud. Talkative. Constantly moving. Talkative. Lol. Get the point. Love the child but momma needs a break sometimes. He had a great day today, his teacher applauded him as he entered the campus because he brought his summer homework in on day 1. 

And my baby. He is entering the second grade. That makes me sad. He is the only child I cried when he entered kindergarten. And first grade. However today, he was like "see ya mom. Don't walk me to my classroom. Today's the only day you can walk me to the line and when you pick me up? Stay in the car." Gee son. I'll miss you too. Lol. 


Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Fight like a Girl

Mirror mirror on my wall,
You say you know who's fairest of all?
Can you see thru my smile and eyes?
Peek into my soul thru my disguise?
And sense the silent killer lurking inside?

Mirror can you see my pain?
Hours of tears, sleepless nights?
Dying thru life, pushing positive tones,
Everyone says they're here.....
Then why do I feel so alone?

Do you feel each ache and sigh?
Hear me pray and ask God why?
Understanding is hard, grant me peace
It's outcome is there, full of hurdles to leap
not a cure for this silent illness.

Mirror mirror on my wall,
I refuse to let this win
My faith, my hope, my fight,
My choices, survive this life.
Silent Killer stop screaming loud....
I'm fighting like a girl and wearing purple proud!!!


Saturday, July 27, 2013

What exactly is going on here

I am getting ready to begin a series of treatments again along with a low dose chemo. I am constantly asked questions about why and what this means.... So I'm typing this blog to be informative and hopefully helpful to my many friends and family.  

The first is the infusion treatment Benlysta. It  is a prescription medication used to treat adults with active systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE or lupus) who are receiving other lupus medicines.
BENLYSTA can cause serious side effects. Some of these side effects may cause death. It is not known if BENLYSTA causes these serious side effects. Symptoms can include fever, chills, pain or burning with urination, urinating often, bloody diarrhea, or coughing up mucus.
Heart Problems: Symptoms can include chest discomfort or pain, shortness of breath, cold sweats, nausea, dizziness, or discomfort in other areas of the upper body.
Mental health problems and suicide: Symptoms can include thoughts of suicide or dying, attempt to commit suicide, trouble sleeping (insomnia), new or worse anxiety, new or worse depression, acting on dangerous impulses, other unusual changes in your behavior or mood, or thoughts of hurting yourself or others.

Sound like fun yet??! Lol
Next is questions on chemo....
It surprises a lot of people that I am on low dose chemo when I don't have cancer, when I actually have lupus, so here is some research I did to help explain.

But lupus isn’t cancer, right?
            No, lupus is not cancer. Lupus can predispose a person to develop certain cancers, but it is not itself any form of cancer. So why do we take chemo? The answer is that we basically take it for the side-effects. When a cancer patient takes chemo, one of the side-effects of the treatment is that (s)he becomes very immunocompromised. The chemo “accidentally” kills cells in the immune system while killing cancer cells; it’s a form of chemical friendly fire. This is why cancer patients tend to be very careful about crowds, and will wear face-masks if necessary to avoid infections. Lupus patients, on the other hand, need our immune systems to be shut down, since the immune system is responsible for our disease.

How does chemo help treat lupus symptoms?
            What many people don’t realize is that chemo drugs generally don’t target any specific kind of cell. There are certainly exceptions, but most of the time the chemo is a wide-spectrum poison that kills any rapidly dividing/growing cells. Since many cancers grow much more quickly than most healthy tissue in the body,  this strategy can be highly successful in treating cancer. Unfortunately, cancerous cells aren’t the only quick-growing cells in the body, and other quickly growing cells will also be killed by chemo. The idea is to give a patient enough chemo to kill cancerous cells, but not so much that it kills the patient. As it turns out, the cells in the immune system are some of the most quickly growing cells in the body, so they are hit hard by chemo drugs. So for those of us whose immune systems are overactive, chemo can help kill off enough immune cells to help improve our
symptoms.

Do lupus patients on chemo have the same side-effects?
            This really varies from person to person. In general, lupus patients take a lower dose of a chemo drug than a cancer patient would, so the side-effects tend to be less severe. That being said, yes, most of us experience some degree of nausea, headaches, mouth sores and often hair loss. The symptoms are there, but they aren’t (again, generally) as severe. Side-effects from chemo occur because other rapidly-dividing cells, such as the cells that line the mouth and GI tract, are killed. Chemo is not a very specific tool, which is why the approval of new, more targeted, lupus drugs is so exciting. (Depends on the dose mine is on the high end so my symptoms are pretty severe)

How long are lupus patients on chemo?
            Cancer patients are often given a defined schedule of chemo treatments. They may, for example, have to receive an infusion of chemo once every other week for two months. Lupus patients, on the other hand, very rarely have a defined schedule. We don’t get told to come in for two months. It is not uncommon for a patient to stay on a particular chemo drug until the body builds up resistance to it. So we don’t know how long we will be on chemo, but it’s likely to be months or even years. This is only possible because the dose given to lupus patients is significantly less than that given to cancer patients.

Immunosuppressives/Cytotoxic Drugs (Chemotherapy) -
 Drugs that suppress the body's immune response are a common treatment for life threatening Lupus.  These drugs are also known as cytotoxic drugs or chemotherapy.  Cytoxic means "toxic to cells".  Cytotoxic drugs are just that, they destroy cells.  The medications listed below specifically destroy immune system cells.  Because they don't only destroy the "bad" cells, these medications can come with serious side effects.  These medications are not for mild Lupus but can be very useful in life threatening SLE.  They are also steroid sparring medications.  Blood counts should be monitored while on these medications as low blood counts are a common and dangerous side effect.  These medications may reduce your body's ability to fight infections so contact your doctor if you experience fever, chills, swollen glands, etc.

Benefits
One of the best benefits of chemotherapy for illnesses such as lupus is that the dosage of chemotherapy used is much less than the dose for cancer treatment. This type of treatment takes longer than other treatments do but, in the end, has a longer-lasting effect. In some cases, it stops lupus altogether.

Warning


Types
While there are a great deal of chemotherapy drugs on the market today that can be used to treat such conditions as lupus, some have been known to work best: azathioprine, cyclophosphamide, lefunomide, methotrexate and mycophenolate. Some of the brand names of these are Arava, Cytoxan, Rheumatrex, Imuran and CellCept.

I currently take methotrexate and CellCept. Along with high doses of prednisone for my sickly lungs.

I truly hope this was informative. I am always open to trying and answering questions on the spot. Lately I feel people are on my case more for "not taking it easy"..... I know it's meant we'll but Its depressing to be home on the couch all the time. I take injections for antidepressants as well weekly .

Wanting to help? I seek your prayers for myself and my family. This is a log and trying process for us all. This is my third round, third times the winner right?! Thanks for reading and thanks for caring!!!!



Tuesday, February 12, 2013

A lesson in patience??? Quite possibly.

For the past year and a half I've been an aid at my sons school. I only work lunchtime, maybe 2 hours a day. And it's been rewarding. I love seeing my lil guy mid day, knowing his friends and teachers. Last week I informed the school I only was going to work two days a week beginning in march. Why?? Because I decided to go thru the appropriate steps to become my grammas in-home provider...aka her companion. Lol

It's going to be good on many levels, I think. I am spending tons of time with her, learning things I didn't care to know lol.
I do her shopping, cleaning, laundry, prepare a meal if she's hungry and listen to her talk :) I've learned this week it'll be a wonderful bonding experience.....or the good Lord is teaching me patience.
I'm glad I am in a position where I can give her the help she needs, earn alittle money, be there for my sons.....the bible talks about taking care of the older people, so in away she's like my ministry. Lol a Gramma-ministry!!!

Day two went well today. We sat and watched tv because she was too cold to do anything and there was nothing to do lol. Hmmmm this job may be close to perfect!!!!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

A new way of thinking

It was brought to my attention this past week by friends and family, that I should use my blog as an outlet for sharing my lupus adventure. So many friends try to understand and have empathy for me. Where I really don't think people get it lol. As a matter of fact I know they don't, because I don't get it half the time.

This illness has changed my life. Affected my sons lives, all I can do is pray things calm and go into remission. So many times I cry "it isn't fair" then I come across someone who just got diagnosed and think maybe this is why I have this. At treatment last week, a woman in her 50's was there receiving an infusion too. She sobs everytime, most of the time we are there. Yes it's scary. And depressing. Getting poked and prodded every week, twice a week isn't a glamorous event. Anyways, I finally asked her if crying helped. I cried the first couple of times, realized it gave me a headache and sucked it up. Lol. She paused and just stared at me. I introduced myself, and told her my pitiful lupus story. She says "wow you're really sick and your not sad. I watch you every time and you come in pulled together, smile on, and do your thing". She shared her story. Yeah, she's not near as bad as I am, her dr is just pushing stronger treatments sooner than mine did. Mine tried alternate methods first.
She asked how I stayed positive all the time. I told her I take two amazing antidepressants, lol, but I have Faith I will get thru this. I have too. And I have an amazing support group behind me. Sooo many friends that message me daily and tell me they're praying for me. Thinking of me. Can't express how awesome that feels. She had no one. I told her I was praying for her, and every other person there. She cried and thanked me. And said she wanted to pray for us sickos too.
So....no matter how bad a situation feels and appears, perhaps God places us in these situations for a purpose.

I have decided also this past week, that yea I'm sick and limited on activities, but I'm tire of lupus imprisoning me to my sofa or bed....with that said, I applied to attend Fresno City College hopefully, Lord willing, to begin over the summer. Something to do, to boost some self esteem. Give me a purpose. I'm looking forward to a new challenge. My treatments should hopefully end in April and I'm praying there's an improvement so I can pursue new things.

My ramblings are complete for this evening. If you've read this far, that's fabulous!!! Lol. Have a great Monday and new week!

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Its been awhile......

Happy New Year!!!
Welcome to a fresher start...a new beginning. Time for change, for growing, for making Someday...today.

It's been awhile. I took time off to try and focus on what was going on in my life. My lupus has been giving me a kick in the butt, well lungs.....Lol, but I'm under close watch from Dr's.  My life is medicine and weekly treatments.... I have to listen and pray they work. I've been told a lung transplant would be in my future otherwise. And that doesn't sound like fun.

As a new year begins we always hear talk of "resolutions". I have never made one. I believe we should be striving to be better all year....not just in January. ;)
However....this year, I have thought about a small list of changes to make.....I like to call it "treatment plan for 2013"......

1.perfection.  now I know no ones perfect. But we are to strive to imitate God, and He is perfect. I want a better attitude when it comes to serving, volunteering, cleaning...working. I will strive for perfection.

2.With that comes.....I want to give 110% at being a Proverbs 31 gal. It's easy to say "I've tried, nothing changes. I already did this and that....why should I do more?" If something doesn't succeed,  I don't want it to be because I didn't give my all. I didn't try my very best.

3.Lupus kills. Yes. It's true. Dr told me so. But it's not winning me....I'm going to do better at listening...taking meds....not complaining.....and focus on positive. I've been battling depression since September, I would Love to drop the antidepressant. 

That's my year....Lol. nothing major. No big diet scheme......I just wanna live life happy, to it's fullest.

Have a fabulous start to your new year....strive to be the best you can!!